Princess' posts with tag: blogging
Directions on how to use your shampoo.
A vicious cycle.
A lot like relationships.
THE MEETING
I'm not the type that would hook up with guys in a bar or coffee shops. I don't enjoy meeting random men as relationship prospects. Hence, my limited sphere of available men.
I usually date those introduced by friends, networked through work or old acquaintances.
You go through the awkward stage of finding out what you do, where you live and exchanging contact numbers.
Conversation is sparse. Details are limited. Available schedules are determined. Attraction is a must.
THE COURTSHIP
Gone are the days of love letters and poetry. Nowadays, it's not even called courtship anymore. And entertaining what was then called suitors is now acceptable when done outside the family home.
For friends of friends, a nice coffee date is the usual. Somewhere cozy, with not a lot of people, where the music is not so blaring for conversation to flow.
Work related introductions are mostly preceded with lunch meetings or casual dinners. The constant seeking of new and interesting restaurants. A brief update on what you're working on to non work related interests.
If things go smoothly, with the advent of emails, ym and text messaging, hour long phone conversations turn into one day's load worth of exchanges of forwarded messages and jokes. Flirting with emoticons and the virtual invitation of longer conversations through ellipsis.
THE RELATIONSHIP
In this stage, a routine gets established. Regular dinners and movie dates. Favorite dining places and common circle of friends. The obligatory morning texts and evening calls. The endearing nicknames such as "Babe", "By", "Sweetie" or "Hon".
Around this time, the first argument happens. Then the make up sex.
The established habits that was once exciting and romantic becomes boring and routinary.
THE BREAK UP
Guys cheats on girl. Girl cheats on guy.
The break up dinner. Much worse, the break up text.
Famous lines such as "it's not you, it's me", "I need space to find myself", and my personal favorite, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship".
Curses and hurtful words ensues. The returning of gifts, deletion of numbers and text messages, burning of pictures and letters, if any.
THE GETTING OVER
The crying and sobbing. Food trips. Buckets of beer and bottles of wine. Several salon trips. Shopping spree and a new gym membership.
A better body and updated hairstyle. On extreme cases, new cellphone numbers. New set of wardrobes and a more confident stance. Re-entering the field of frequenting bars and coffee shops. Introduction to new friends and acquaintances.
Repeat.
I was a romantic.
I grew up reading fairy tales - of Prince Charming and living happily ever after. Of men crossing mountains and bodies of ocean to find that damsel in distress, fighting fire breathing dragons, climbing castles and saving her from the awful wicked witch.
I believed in soul mates. That there's just one person for every one. That one man that would make your heart beat like you're in the Kentucky Derby. That one man that would turn your whole world around, beat all the odds and love you endlessly.
I fantasize over movie story lines of My Best Friend's Wedding, A Lot Like Love and my favorite, How To Make An American Quilt.
Then one day, my heart got broken.
Unlike in the movies, after the long sleepless nights and crying over bottles of beer, the right one didn't come along and saved me from my sorrow. No redeeming scene. No happy ending.
Not yet.
After a series of heart breaks after another, the romantic in me died.
Now it takes more than a flowing conversation over dinner to win me over or laughing at the same joke. It takes more than a dozen of roses and a box of chocolates.
I'm not a romantic.
But I believe in love.
I believe that it takes more than chance to fall in love. It is a choice that one make. A choice to allow yourself to love someone and equally important, to allow that other person to love you.
I believe that you don't fall in love because his eyes sparkle and that his hand fits in yours. It is more than that. Way more than that.
"What is essential is invisible to the eye", according to the Little Prince. Gone are the days that I date a guy because he has nice teeth, a pleasing personality and an impeccable taste in shoes. What he drives doesn't matter anymore.
What matters is that we speak the same language, that we're kindred spirits.
I don't want him to agree with everything I say or think. For sure I won't agree with him on everything. I'm looking for someone who has his own opinion and knows how to get them across.
It matters that he is driven, passionate and intelligent. He doesn't have to be best in everything but it matters that he gives his best.
I appreciate someone who has an appreciation for music and literature. Someone that can see the poetry in life and comprehend the irrationality of emotions.
What matters is that he would take time to get to know me. Accept my quirkiness and eccentricities, understand my humor and my temper, enjoy my company and miss my absence. Someone that would love the goods parts, even the bad ones.
I search for someone that would take the time, put in the effort and cherish the small things with me. I don't run after anyone. I don't wait around for anyone. I offer my heart. I allow them to take a glimpse of my soul. I may even allow him to love me.
They come few and far in between. It was after 28 years when I realized what I want and what my life and heart needed. It took a shattered heart and a broken spirit to learn. It was seeing myself in my lowest to find out my strength.
When romance died, I kept a small part of my emotions. That part that held on to that faith, that hope, that belief, of finding my mad, passionate, extraordinary love.
I was a romantic.
But I still believe in love.
i started my blog this morning. i bore my heart and soul, telling my fears and dreams. words just came to me like water coming out of a dam, typing words on and on as i share my life to the whole world.
i sit back and read my life in front of me. edit the typos, checked the grammar and re-phrased my sentences. and then finally, i felt complete.
i hit "post this entry" and wait...
then i lose it.
i hit refresh...i lost it
i hit back...i lost it
the words...my life...gone in a second.
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